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Talk:Cyan Shinju/@comment-17758905-20141104141453
This character terribly disappoints me and strikes me as a Mary-sue. You steal details from what happened to other characters. This looks more like a jigsaw puzzle of other characters than a true OC. At most, it looked like the hardest thought processes you had during the creation of this OC was "who do I steal from next?" Several lines look blatantly copy-and-pasted from some other wiki. For example: "Cyan was able to defeat Ghost but her Duel Runner breaks down. Cyan is then found impaled in the abdomen by a large shard.(In the English dub, the shard and blood was removed, and she is said to have cuts and bruises.)" The English dub stands out very much and is a red flag that something was copied here. Especially since Yusei encounters a similar injury when attacked by Kiryu/Kalin's Earthbound Immortal. You didn't come up with your own signer dragon mark; you had your OC have Aki's exact mark. Your OC brings nothing new to the table. She is mostly useless to the story. She is ultimately unnecessary and can easily be written out. "Cyan is always great with kids" Terrible descriptor. You should never use it. Never say "X likes this" or "X is good at this". Tell us how they're good at it. All you're telling us is Cyan is apparently great with kids. You're even "bossing" us around with that description, saying that is what we have to believe. You are using a loaded word. Instead, tell us how you think she is great and we should judge for ourselves. Example: "Cyan understands children easily when they speak, even when the message is usually unclear to others. Cyan's emphathy makes it easier for her to guess what a child is feeling, such as guessing if they're angry, sad, or happy." In fact, you could even say this is showing, not telling. Plus, the above tells us much more about her. It tells us she can understand the sloppy language of a child and she is emphatic. Let's look at another example. Let's say "Forestfleet likes birds". Well, what does that really tell you? Forestfleet likes birds, I guess. However, other descriptors offer more information. -Forestfleet usually goes on long hikes on the weekends, looking for birds on the trail. -Forestfleet sometimes looks up birding online. -Forestfleet plans on getting legal papers filled out so he can participate in falconry. -Forestfleet has eaten all the chicken in the house several times. One time, while he was asleep. The first one tells us that Forestfleet is also a guy who likes nature. We get insight on how he wants to spend his weekend. It also shows a more casual love instead of a "this is my profession". The second one also implies a casual love. It also adds more to his interest. He not only loves birds, but he also likes birding (this is implied, but most people can read between the lines pretty well without even knowing it). The third one explains to us that he wants to turn his love into a career. Plus, it shows he may have a love for hunting, and bringing back traditional sports. The fourth one shows us that he likes birds. Just in his belly instead of out on the field. However, it also tells us he may not be the best roomate if he ate all the chicken. Anyway, basically, she's ultimately useless as an OC, yet still comes off heavily as sueish. Oh and: "Sixth months later, after her decision to study abroad in Germany, she visits Yusei in the garage late at night to say goodbye to him. She tried to confess her love for him, but changes her mind. Yusei and Cyan talk briefly before Yusei take her hand into his and reminds her to never stop smiling, adding that she has the most beautiful smile in the world. They then gaze into each other's eyes before parting shortly afterward. This is the strongest indication that Yusei may reciprocate Cyan's feelings." Besides you stole this from Aki, this is just teeming with sueishness. Yusei and his motorcycle is a much more likely ship than this.